What is confidence? How do we get it? How can we get more?
The definition of confidence in the way we look at it related to human behavior and performance is “the feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.”
So how do we get these feelings of self-assurance and appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities? These feelings are derived from the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. These stories have been influenced by others in our lives and from our own life experiences.
There may have been people in our lives who have given us negative feedback and we have taken to heart and made their opinion part of our view of ourselves. So this looks like “I am not good enough”, “I can’t do it on my own”, “I am not strong/athletic/driven enough.” These core beliefs then lead to behavior that reinforces these beliefs. So we may not take risks because we don’t believe we are able or qualified, we may not make a healthy lifestyle a priority because we don’t believe we are good enough to take care of, or not drive forward in training or performance in athletics because we believe we are not athletic enough to be good.
Once we realize that we actually have the choice to believe what others say to/about us OR the choice to create a new belief or story we will find great confidence will come as we try new things and succeed.
You can practice gaining confidence by creating small goals and accomplishing those goals. If you feel anxiety or fear about something, it can either be a sign that there is something dangerous you should avoid OR it can be a sign there is something you are artificially fearful of because of the story you have told yourself about your capabilities and is an opportunity to conquer the fear, see that you can do it and build your confidence.
So if you are reading this please know that you get the choice to believe the stories that other people have told you about who you are and you can choose another ending to the story. Appreciate yourself friends. Recognize that you have a proven history of overcoming obstacles and have more ability than you recognize you do!